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Why Can't Anything Just Be Easy? Update!

On April 2, I called Charter Communications because there was bright orange cable lying on the surface of the road at the foot of my driveway and stretched 100 feet or so down the street in front of my yard and that of two neighbors, awaiting burial.

The problem was, I had landscapers scheduled to come, and wanted to know when they were going to get it buried so that I could hopefully avoid the worst-case scenario of them coming to dig up my freshly sodded yard.

Remember that? And how convinced I was that it was going to go wrong? And how I mentioned that I'm not the customer with the work order? And how I mentioned that it would be 'the end of April at the earliest'?

The same day I posted that—the very day I made my prediction—I got a message from my housemate that someone was digging in the front yard, but they had dug up the grass (read: moss and weeds) and put it back. And the orange cable was gone.

That same day I posted that—the very day I made my prediction—the landscapers dropped off a bunch of equipment and some sample rocks for me to look at. Remembering me mentioning that?

The very next morning (April 3), the landscapers showed up and got most of the work done. They finished up on the 4th. The yard looks great . . . ish. The grass is a bit yellow because it hasn't completely "set," and although we are watering it frequently—as instructed—it still looks like a patchwork quilt.

That same day I posted that—the very day I made my prediction—the yard guy who subcontracted the landscapers mowed my back yard.

Flash forward to today.

We've been watering the lawn religiously. The landscapers painstakingly placed flags in the newly sodded yard to mark where the paint had been, because I explained the situation to them. But because Charter had already dug up my yard and buried the orange cable, I didn't think anything of it.

This morning, while I was changing the cats' litter, I noticed some paint on the mowed grass in the back yard. Again, I didn't think anything of it, because Charter was already done burying the orange cable.

So, at lunch, I got a text from my housemate. "Did you call Charter?"

Still thinking nothing of it, I replied humorously, "No. Was I supposed to?"

And I forgot about it.

When I thought to check my text messages a few minutes ago, I had another text from 3 pm. "Two guys were here to bury your loose cables in the back."

Suddenly, in a blinding flash of clarity, it all came together. A true satori.

I called Charter and spoke to someone whose name I neither got nor care to know. I asked him about the work order.

Yep. The woman to whom I spoke on the 2nd decided that I was asking for cables to be buried. I will stress that at no point during our conversation did I ever say "back yard" or "my cable." I specifically said "loose, orange cable" and "front yard." I specifically said that it wasn't my cable, and stressed that I was not under any circumstance asking for work to be done, but merely to know when the already-scheduled work was to be performed.

But no. What she did was, presumably while having all ten fingers inserted into her rectum, enter in a new work order to bury my "loose cable" in the back yard.

I . . . may have gotten . . . a trifle furious. Maybe. I said, "Oh, my fucking god, she couldn't have gotten that any more wrong if she had tried!" I asked him to make a note that she had royally fucked up, and . . . well, he got a little terse with me and hung up.

Does that sound a trifle furious? <shrug>

Now, here's the thing.

There was no "loose cable" in my back yard. There was some cable that was originally attached to the outside of the house, and some of that had come loose. I was planning on getting it reattached at some point, but . . . hey, it's cable.

That "loose cable" is my Internet line that goes directly into my home office to the modem and my router. That's all I have. I don't have cable TV or phone service, just 25M Internet.

So, now, thanks to the unbelievable idiot whose superpower is apparently "Opposite Hearing," my Internet cable is—presumably—buried, and if there is a problem at this point, they'll have to dig it back up in order to diagnose it. What I wonder is whether they had to actually pull new cable in order to get enough "loose cable" to bury.




A haiku in honor of Charter Communication, their moronic customer disservice people, and their inner-rectal craniitis.
So fucking stupid,
Charter Communications.
Die die die die DIE!

I know a lot of you are, right now, saying to yourself, "Jesus, what the hell is he so furious about? So some cable got buried. Big deal." The big deal is that I never asked for this. What if she had misunderstood and canceled my service? I would now be on the hook for a disconnection fee and a reconnection, and who knows how long that would have taken? And it's not that much of a leap to imagine something like that happening. That is the big deal. And I predicted that something would go wrong because I have come to expect something to go wrong when dealing with these . . . people.

Atheists Are People, Too  Antispam  


( 4 hisses — Hiss at me! )
Apr. 18th, 2012 02:17 am (UTC)
Geez, I'm amazed that people get such simple stuff messed up like that. It's almost as if she said to herself, "Yeah, he's saying that he wants this, but I know what he really wants!
Apr. 18th, 2012 03:44 am (UTC)

I heard on NPR th other day that telecomm is pretty much the lowest rated business by consumers eveyrwehre.

I guess they figure since we need them, they don't have to be competent, or polite, or reasonable or...well,anything, really. You want cable and your Iphone and whatever other thing? fuck you, customer, pay up, pay early, pay often, pay these wierdo taxes and surcharge and whatever else we can pull out of our butts and you'll get what you get.
Apr. 18th, 2012 09:16 am (UTC)
I'm convinced that people actually need to have things repeated to them three times before they "get it." Drives me up the wall and halfway across the ceiling. Then I fall on my head and say OW!

Someone we both know whose nickname rhymes with "Toot" (thus, she cleverly concealed the identity of the miscreant, cleverly!) is always hearing things completely backwards. Worse, I'll pause and add something to a statement on the same subject less than one minute later and he is confused. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?! ARRRGH!

Anyway, I suggest you take up The Smart Man's Burden and start repeating things three times. Use different intonation but on the last one, make sure you stress all negatives.

"I'm calling to let you know that I need to cancel my appointment for today.
I cannot come in today because my mother's cat is sick and I have to take him to the vet.
So, I will NOT be in today for my appointment."

You will probably get this:
"So, you aren't coming in today?"

Take a deep breath and say, as if praising the fool, say,
"That's right! You are correct. I won't be in today for my appointment."

Make sure the phone is disconnected before muttering,

No need to point out the obvious.
Apr. 18th, 2012 01:10 pm (UTC)
I like it! :)
( 4 hisses — Hiss at me! )

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