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It's Time Once Again for Spam Poetry™

It has been more than a year since the last Spam Poetry installment. I guess Spammy the Spammer has been busy trying not to drop the soap in the prison shower, and just hasn't been as creative.

Today's installment of Spam Poetry is rather...meta. Instead of poetry per-sé, these are more like Spam messages...made of Spam subjects.

(Go with me, here.)


First, we have a little number I like to call "8 Things"
8 things a woman should do each month
Get a New iPhone 4s on Us!
Corporate Grooming & Business Ethics
Meet Singles Over 50
Treat thinning hair fast
SHARE some LOVE with charming babe Tabitha Hodges quarter sprout
Let a handyman fix your home repair needs
Let us create content for you blogs
Bless Your Congregation this Christmas!
Frankly, I'm not sure why only women are encouraged to do those things. Men could benefit from them just as readily.

Well, no nevermind. My Spammers would never leave me high and dry. After all, they only want what's best for me. They want me to have a penis that has its own gravitational field, replica watches (presumably to put on said...implement of ass destruction1), and enough diplomas that I'll never run out of toilet paper.

The next one "5 Reasons" is definitely aimed more at men, I think you'll agree <wink-wink> <nudge-nudge>. I mean, I'm not sure what "in-home care" means to you <wink>, but it's clear it means something entirely different to this guy.
Hello
How are you
BUSINESS PROPOSAL
Important Service Announcement
Today, I'll reveal things I've never shared before....
5 Reasons to Consider Choosing In-Home Care
SexyTeenSirenKaraNovakGivesBlowJobontheCouch bermuda
NiceandLovingLadySoniawithFirmToyinMouth cell
CuteandTemptingShemaleLuanaVarelaShowingHerTits suffered
DaringandHornyPetiteKristyWorkingHerPetitePussy class
HotTeacherF.u.c.ksBlackCock thing
This is our way to thank you
Thank you, sir. Thank you. I believe that you'll find that the final random-appearing word on each line of the five reasons, when read from top to bottom, makes a cryptic statement all of its own that might hold the key to the entire enterprise: "bermuda cell suffered class thing."

It's like a double rainbow, man! Meanings inside of meanings! Like a...like a poetical ice cream sandwich! But what does it mean? What does it mean?

And finally, I'm not sure who this Richard Wukovick dude is, but he claims to have some major pimp juice he wants me to have. I call this one "UNCLAIMED FUND."
From Mr. Richard Wukovick
They Call Him "The Coffee Shop Millionaire"
See what our CEO has planned for you
don't say ONE WORD before...
YOUR UNCLAIMED FUND
CONGRATULATIONS OPEN THE ATTACHED FOR MORE DETAILS
Attn: Beneficiary, Your $1.5 Million Dollars Compensation
PAYMENT OF YOUR INHERITANCE FUND OF US$9.8m ..... VIEW THE GOOD NEWS OF YOUR FUND
I better hurry and send him my social security number, bank account numbers and routing information, date of birth, mother's maiden name, and ATM PIN before he decides to give someone else those funds!

  1. I'm truly sorry for that.2 But it was hanging there, low and easily reachable, and to not pluck it from the tree would have been a crime against nature.
  2. OK, I'm really not, but I should be.



This has been another installment of...Spam Poetry™

Note: For Spam Poetry™ I take real spam subject lines that arrived on one of my email accounts and combine them—hopefully in a humorous or provocative manner—to make something at least entertaining out of it. The only changes I make are minor, such as removing random strings of numbers from the ends of the 5 Reasons lines with bermuda, class, etc. They were ugly and hurt the amusement factor. Otherwise, every one is exactly as it arrived.


Atheists Are People, Too  Antispam  

Comments

( 2 hisses — Hiss at me! )
scifi_lover
Oct. 22nd, 2011 03:16 pm (UTC)
Spam and gender
For some reason, I still get male-oriented spam (i.e., penis enlargement). I guess that's because I never actually read any of it, so they have no idea what my preferences are. You would think, after all these years and market research, the spammers would get better. I find that spam fits the haiku form quite well. What do you think?
CIALIS AND VIAGRA
LOW CANADA PRICES
STAY HARDER LONGER
Julie H.
kaasirpent
Oct. 22nd, 2011 04:34 pm (UTC)
Re: Spam and gender
DEAR LUCKY WINNER
CIALIS AND VIAGRA
STAY HARDER LONGER

Yeah, it kinda does. :)
( 2 hisses — Hiss at me! )

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