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This Is How My Brain Works

Disclaimer: This really is how my mind works. Try not to be afraid.

I've been getting a series of Spam emails on one of my accounts, and they all have a certain...similarity to one another:
uplift your couch experience
hoist your lover bed experience
support your lover bed experience
heave your darling sexual times
raise your lover night adventures
hoist your sweet bed times
heave your darling sexual times
boost your lover couch adventures
boost your darling night experience
raise your lover sexual experience
Based just on what I've received on this one account where all these arrived in the last three or so days, I'm guessing these are their rules to generate subject lines:
[Verb]
uplift
hoist
support
heave
raise

[Adjective1]
lover
darling
sweet

[Adjective2]
night
couch
sexual
bed

[Noun]
experience
times
adventures

[SexEuphemism]
%Adjective2% %Noun%

[Subject]
%Verb% your %Adjective1% %SexEuphemism%
%Verb% your %SexEuphemism%
How unimaginative. I'd like to suggest a few...improvements.
[Verb]
uplift
hoist
support
heave
raise
erect
arouse
tumesce
succor
bear aloft
elevate
buoy
fulfill
And those adjectives! So uncreative. So...stupid. So..."English is not anywhere near my first language." They all have to go.
[Adjective1]
erotic
passionate
stimulating
sensual
Good...good, that's shaping up nicely. Now, that second set of adjectives! So...unimaginative.
[Adjective2]
night
couch
sexual
bed-time
kitchen counter
Jacuzzi
elevator
50-yard line
Awright! Now, we're cookin'. Finally, those nouns...<sigh>
[Noun]
experiences
times
adventures
romps
fantasies
affairs
encounters
escapades
There we go! All better, now. Now we could "fulfill your sensuous elevator fantasies" or "arouse your passionate 50-yard line escapades."

At least that would be entertaining. But no. Spammers got no imagination.

They should let me design these—

Wait! What the hell am I saying? Gaaaaah!


Atheists Are People, Too  Antispam  

Comments

( 5 hisses — Hiss at me! )
ladywhy
Apr. 22nd, 2009 12:16 pm (UTC)
Hmmm, 50-yard line. Now that's one I haven't tried.
oxlahun
Apr. 22nd, 2009 02:25 pm (UTC)
Listen to the audio, instead of just reading. :)

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103169900&ps=cprs
kaasirpent
Apr. 22nd, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC)
I've been hearing a lot of criticism aimed at that book.

But that is downright marvelous. :)
kiteflier98
Apr. 23rd, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC)
*giggle* I love it!
trilobits
Apr. 30th, 2009 12:54 pm (UTC)
these are goood

realllll goood

its almost as if....


HEYYYYY ITS YOU
( 5 hisses — Hiss at me! )

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